Interlude
by kanani81
Summary: Missing Moment: Leia's thoughts during the night on Bespin


I can hear the wind howling restlessly outside the bedroom window. It's almost as if it knows exactly how I feel inside. My face presses against the cool glass, watching as the ever-shining bright lights of Cloud City twinkle in the darkness.

Does this city never sleep?

My eyes can't help being drawn from the lights of the city to the lights of the galaxy as they blend together into a gleaming mass. I watch the sky closely, convinced that every movement I catch in the corner of my eyes, is the Imperials, come to capture us. The chill in the air makes me shiver and I pull the quilt wrapped around me, in closer.

The sound of rustling sheets and a soft moan draw my attention to the bed. Lying there, his body tangled with the bed covers, his hair all tousled from the pillow, Han Solo looks more peaceful than I have ever seen him.

And innocent.

He looks like an entirely different person in his sleep. It must be his eyelashes. The long lashes resting against his cheeks right now, could never possibly belong to such a scoundrel. It makes you wonder where did all the cynicism go?

And where does all the cynicism come from in the first place?

I can't sleep. I definitely have a bad feeling about this. Somehow I can't help feeling that we got away too easily. Everything just seems to be going a little too smoothly. Call me paranoid - I think I'm pretty justified to feel this way. My life just doesn't operate simply. There always has to be complications. This Lando guy... I don't trust him. He's too slick. I can see how he and Han are friends - they've both got that whole piratical thing down - but I still don't trust him. And yet I trust Han with my life.

Funny that.

Never in a million years could I have guessed that I would end up in this situation - on the run from the government, a handsome smuggler in my bed. Okay, so I may have imagined the handsome smuggler in my bed part, but definitely not under these circumstances.

Forgetting the whole "the leader of the legitimate government is evil and wants to kill me" saga for the moment, just the fact that Han is in my bed is a huge deal. What am I getting myself in for? I hardly know anything about him. I've known him for three years, and I know just about as much now as I did then. He never tells anyone anything about his past. I know nothing about where he comes from and what's happened in his life. It really makes me wonder.

On the surface he seems such a two-dimensional character - the stereotypical flyboy. But certain things that he says or does indicate that this isn't the case. Who else has a Wookiee for a best friend? And how many smugglers are there helping the Rebellion? He certainly has his moments.

There's so much that I want to know. I'm guessing that he has no family. He's never indicated otherwise. In which case - what happened to them? I want to know. He would probably hate that I'd noticed this, but every time Luke or I tell stories about our families, he has this wistful look in his eyes. I know it's there. I've seen how he looks down and disengages from the conversation, even if it is only for a split second. That look always makes me want to put my arms around him and make it go away. Of course, before all "this" happened, I didn't really like the fact that I was watching him close enough to pick up on those kind of things.

But that was before he kissed me. I realised that I was feeling something for him when he went to rescue Luke on Hoth, but then his big mouth got in the way, and he managed to piss me off again with all that crap he was spouting in Luke's medical room. So when he kissed me... Well, it startled me. I hadn't been expecting it. Okay, so I'd thought about it. Though I'd never imagined that I would ever find myself kissing anyone in the bowels of a space slug. Trust Han Solo to approach everything unconventionally.

That kiss scared the hell out of me. Who could blame a girl for trying to run away?

It all seems a waste of time now. On the way to Bespin, I decided to stop running. There was nowhere I could hide. I wanted Han. Why couldn't I have him? The only person stopping me was myself. He wasn't about to be giving me any resistance. And who knew how long we would have? I had no idea what we would be facing.

I still don't.

Until we are both back with the Rebel Fleet, I am not taking anything for granted. All I know is that we are not safe here. Whether it be the Empire, or the bounty hunters, I know that what Han and I have might only last for a short while.

But for now... for now we can be together. I can't understand why, but being in his arms - his touch - makes me feel... safe. Protected. Our lives are in danger, he might leave any minute now, but when he wraps his arms around me, all reason leaves my head. We are together, and something just seems so right about that. I've certainly never needed anyone before. I can look after myself thank you very much! The plain truth is, I think maybe I need to be held. I need to know that I am not alone. That I am not the only one that is afraid and longing for comfort. I need to pacify the wounded beast howling inside me before it takes control and reduces me to nothing.

And it feels so good just being held by him.

Han.

Being held by him, soothed by him, has stilled the beast. At least for now. His arms around me, the soft murmur of his words against my hair, the beat of his heart against my own... It has all been like giving up on responsibility, letting myself surrender to... the inevitable? Is it inevitable? That we should be here, together, on this night? That I should suddenly feel so close to him? Want him? Need him?

Suddenly it seems so. Suddenly, it seems as though anything else would be unnatural.

So here we are. Han and Leia. Leia and Han. The Smuggler and The Princess.

I think maybe I love him.

Can I say this to him? Will it scare him away?

Actually, I don't think that I would be able to say it aloud. God no! Then I'd really be letting my guard down, wouldn't I. This way I've still kind of got the best of both worlds and I'll be unharmed. If he leaves, I won't get hurt... right?

All I know is Han makes me feel something no-one else ever has. He makes me feel like I can just be myself. Not the Princess. Not the Senator. Not the leader of the Rebellion.

Just Leia.

He doesn't have any expectations of me. All my life I've felt as if I sat alone on some kind of pedestal. Even Luke treats me this way. But not Han. No, if Han had his own way, I'm sure he'd yank that pedestal right out from under me. Either that, or he'd just jump up there beside me and make some glib comment about how nice the view was.

That's essentially why I am here now. I may not know where he's come from, but I know who he is now. And for now, he's mine.

I turn to look at him and see two hazel eyes quietly watching me. His mouth quirks up as he says, "Hey sweetheart" in a way that is far different than all those other times he's practically flung the word at me like a challenge. "What are you doing all the way over there?"

"Can't sleep," I reply.

He rolls over and extends a long arm toward me. "Come back here then. I'm pretty sure that leaning on the window isn't helping."

I can't help but smile, as I crawl back into bed and let him wrap his arms around me, warming me with his presence. He links his fingers with mine, and I feel that this, oddly, is the most intimate gesture he could offer me tonight. I close my eyes, breathe in his scent, and let myself drift off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that for now, I am safe.


End file.
